The Narcissism Mechanism – part 2

This is the second of a series exploring narcissism and probing for deeper truths. While each post provides its own value, reading all of them will provide an encompassing perspective.

In the previous post, I explore that nature of the unseen power dynamics that occur between narcissist and codependent or empath. And I assert this is a relationship in which deep needs are being met for each party, and how this dynamic profoundly locks in a consciousness of victimization.

In part 2 below, I bring in a larger context for our unfolding exploration …

We are Spiritual Beings

I’m looking at this tragic dynamic from the reality that each of us is an unlimited, spiritual being who has a piece of us—a very small piece of us—embodied here as who we think we are. We inhabit this body to endeavor to free ourselves from the limitations we’ve carried through eons of time. 

This is the perspective from which I am exploring The Narcissism Mechanism. And from here, I sense a deeply entrenched dynamic that keeps all of us bound in a continuous cycle of victimization. 

The narcissist is constantly victimized by the people around them who don’t see them, understand them, or appreciate them. The codependent is constantly victimized by not being able to get the other to change. Each side is bending reality to fit their narrative and continue their story.

Each avoids their own pain and looks to the other in a fruitless attempt to fill the missing pieces inside. For two embodied, unlimited spiritual beings, it’s a continual cycle of victimization. 

That is, until you begin to see what the hell’s going on, and begin the work of removing yourself from the whole cycle.

Keeping God Down

I’m attempting to explore this from the most objective and impersonal perspective I can even try to reach for—that of God incarnate—which is my deepest experience of who/what we are. This provides a different view than analyzing the dynamic between two human beings that don’t realize that they’re pieces of God trying to sort shit out.

So far I’ve spoken about The Narcissism Mechanism as the interpersonal dynamic between two people. But I sense that what is trying to make itself known to me is a certain way of being here together on the planet that is keeping the entire experience of being human very limited. This way of being operates on many levels throughout the entire human experience.

If one sees human life as the experience of a “piece” of God being here on Earth to explore, expand, learn & develop, then this implies that something’s going on which severely limits Its ability to do all of these things.

Let’s Go Back a Step

So. I’m going to back up a second. What it is that I see here is that with codependents and narcissists (generally speaking, I’m using that term “narcissist” very loosely and “co-dependent” also somewhat loosely)… there’s a difference here, and I think that between the two, the most notable is the ability to see the other: empathy is by definition the ability to see the other. People who have gone far enough down the track into narcissism have lost the ability to see the other or at least the will or desire to see the other.

So, what does it look like from a bigger perspective to see what’s going on here in terms of a “spiritual being living as human” here on the planet? 

I am distinguishing this from clinical narcissism because that seems to be, actually, not so many people. And most of us in our lives are not dealing with people that are necessarily clinically narcissistic, although we might be. But there are a lot of people that are not able to see another human being and not able to recognize the other human being’s experience as valid or as having anything to do with them. The narcissist feels, “This has nothing to do with me, it’s all your fault.”

So the codependent, generally speaking, tends to take responsibility for all the problems in the dynamic. Now, what I would say is even though it can sometimes seem to be two ends of a spectrum, what I’m proposing is that it’s not at all. In the bigger picture, which I’m going to talk about here, they’re actually quite close together. Because they’re both people who are operating, in quite significant ways, out of deep woundedness. And it’s the relationship to their own woundedness, I would say, that separates the two.

Somebody who has gone into this realm that I’m speaking about in terms of narcissism, has made a choice on some level to no longer be responsible for their own woundedness—”it’s not me, it’s you; it’s not me, it’s you; it’s not me, it’s you.” This kind of thing.

Whereas the person in the codependent realm at some level recognizes their own woundedness is playing out in the dynamic. The issue there tends to be they’re also taking responsibility for the bad behavior of the other.

We Don’t Realize Just How Good It Can Get

But in the bigger picture, we’ve got this whole right side of the spectrum (see diagram). Moving up towards more freedom, at the top here, I tried to look at the spectrum from the negative end of this thing. On the left-hand side is more wounded, protected, victimized and self abandoned. And on the right-hand side less so. 

Now, on the flip side at the bottom, as you go to the right, the person is more unconditioned. They’ve done the work to remove the conditioning (the things that keep them inside a bubble of old stories and old wounds.) They’re more and more self-partnered, more vulnerable, and more trusting.

So this whole right side is the part that I’m really deeply interested in talking about. Because there’s so much possible. And I think this is part of it when I talk with people about getting out of unhealthy or abusive situations or making changes in their lives. 

Because when you’re lost in these dynamics there’s so much you’re not seeing. And then you begin to try to better things for yourself, and endeavor to make change. This is a good thing, certainly.

As challenging as it can be to even get that far, the context is still too small for a spiritual being having a human experience. There is often nowhere in that picture, and we’re not even aware of it as a possibility, of just how good it can truly get. 

To be continued …